


For My Boy

by briochetoast



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Is Also Kind Of Mean (But He's Canonically Mean Though), Murphy Siblings Do Not Get Along, Zoe Murphy Is Kind Of Mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 08:50:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briochetoast/pseuds/briochetoast
Summary: Cynthia Murphy has watched her son drift farther and farther each day, and on the first day of senior year, she can't take it anymore. She decides to try and be a better mother, only hoping that she still has enough of a break in his mental wall to get through.





	For My Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Just realized that I made a mistake, the song is sung by both Heidi and Cynthia and I based this fic only on Cynthia, so let’s just pretend that it’s only Cynthia singing about what she used to do for Connor, alright? :)

At first glance, Cynthia, Larry, Zoe, and Connor Muphy seemed like a well-off family. Big house, cars, and money gave them a highly respected position in their neighborhood. 

Yet, beneath all the splendor, was a broken family, and despite it being the first day of a new school year, breakfast was no different than any other time.

“Look at him. He’s probably high.” Larry Murphy stated with an accusatory tone in his voice.

“He’s definitely high,” Zoe agreed with her father, glaring at her brother.

Cynthia sighed. “I don’t want you going to school high, Connor!” On the verge of tears, she looked at her eldest child.

He only blankly stared back, “Great, then I won’t go. Thanks, mom!” 

Connor got up from the table and stalked off to his room, as always. Zoe continued eating, and Larry started his daily complaining. 

 

“The interstate’s already jammed.” He got up, placed his dishes and the sink, and walked outside to his car, driving off to work.

Zoe made it no better, with her “Connor finished the milk! If he’s not ready, I’m leaving without him.”

Cynthia took a deep, calming breath, and walked to the closed door to the bedroom down the hall. 

“Connor, please. It’s your senior year, I don’t want you missing the first day. You don’t have to stay all day, just, please. Please.” Her voice cracked before she heard a loud grumble and the door swung open, her son pushing past her.

“Let’s GO! Zoe, hurry up.” Anger laced his voice, and as soon as everyone had left, Cynthia sat down and closed her eyes.

Some time passed, and she rose, the quietness of the house a rare occurrence on her day off. Walking around the house, she found herself at the door to Connor’s room. Contemplating whether to go in or not was a hard decision, as she wanted to respect his privacy, but she decided against it and walked in.

Sitting on his bed, she looked around, a small light catching her eye. Giving a little laugh, she started to mumble to herself.

“I got you that ninja turtle night light so long ago, you used to say it would keep bad guys away. Remember that, Connor? You were my little boy, so happy.” 

Cynthia gave a sad smile, turning her head to look at the bookshelf. “And when I surprised you with that comic book collection. You were Wolverine for the Halloween after that.” 

She looked at the ceiling next, counting the glow-in-the-dark stars that Connor never bothered to take down. “I did everything to make you happy. I wish that the counselors helped take the anger out of your eyes.”

She blinked, noticing that tears had started to fall. She walked out of his room and turned off the light, before closing the door. Cynthia made her way to her room and slept.

Eventually, the school day ended and her children made their way back into the house.

“MOM!” Zoe’s voice rang out angrily. “Connor didn’t last till lunch before pushing an innocent kid to the ground!” 

“But he-”

“Shut up, Connor! Later, I watched that same kid walk out of the computer lab looking very nervous. Did you have anything to do with that as well?”

“That is none of your business, Zoe!”

“It is when my freaky brother goes around harassing random people because he’s a nutcase who can’t keep his temper to himself!” 

Cynthia could only watch on in shock, never able to calm the fighting siblings. 

“Zoe, I-”

“Save it, Connor, I can’t be here right now.” It seemed as if they had been fighting the entire car ride, and with that, Zoe walked right back out. 

Cynthia was only woken from the trance when Connors door slammed shut, and a loud scream was heard from his room.

Cynthia decided now was the time to act, with Zoe out of the house. Walking to her oldest child’s room, she opened the door and saw him face down on his bed.

“Connor?”

He looked up, rage in his eyes. “What do you want, Cynthia, come to yell at me too?”

“No, no. Connor, I-”

“To yell at your freak, pothead of a son? One who can’t seem to go five minutes without hurting someone?”

“No Connor, I-”

“Sorry, I’m not the perfect child, sorry I’m the opposite. Might as well just die, would that make everyone’s life easier?” The malice in his voice was evident, and the malice in his voice worked just enough to put Cynthia over the edge.

“Connor, no!” Her voice was raised, and she noticed him flinch. “Connor, no. I’m sorry. I’ve been such a shitty mother, er, crappy mother. I’m sorry.” 

Cynthia made her way over to him before sitting next to his lying figure. “Connor, I’m so, so sorry. No amount of apologies will be enough for how awful of a situation you’ve been going through is.”

His breathing was still heavy but had calmed a bit.

“Before you say anything, I just wanted to let you know. I love you, so much, Connor. I haven’t been showing it, but I used to do anything to make you happy. I would do anything to make you happy again. If you could please, start to let me in again, though God knows I don’t deserve it.”

 

His dark look showed up again. “Actions speak louder than words, Cynthia.”

She smiled sorrowfully and grabbed her son’s hands. “I know. And I swear to you, I will do my best to keep my actions true. But please let me in eventually. I love you more than anything, Connor, you’re my boy in the bedroom down the hall. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

With that, she walked out, shutting the door behind her.

Behind the door, Connor sat up and thought that maybe, just maybe, he could hang on a while longer.

The next day, with an open mind, Connor Murphy walked into the school and up to a boy in a blue polo, an apology at the ready, and ears ready to listen to why in the hell the boy had written a letter that mentioned his sister.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, my first fanfiction for the Dear Evan Hansen fandom. My first fanfic in general, actually! To anyone reading this, thank you for taking the time, and I hope that you enjoyed it at least a little bit.  
> This fic is based on the cut song "In the Bedroom Down the Hall," sung by Cynthia Murphy (and Heidi Hansen) about Connor before he canonically passed away (and Evan stopped human-ing).


End file.
